Law Students or Fourth Graders?

Excerpt from an AIM conversation with a law student friend:

Friend (1:51:51 PM): the word "boobs" is popular too
Me (1:52:21 PM): popular as an excuse as to why you didn't read?
Friend (1:53:07 PM): no, popular in movie titles
Friend (1:53:16 PM): on imdb
Friend (1:53:18 PM): i was looking up dirty words while i was bored
Me (1:53:29 PM): oh, i like it better as a reason to not do reading
Friend (1:53:43 PM): ha!
Friend (1:53:59 PM): "could you give us the facts of the case"
Me (1:54:11 PM): BOOBS!
Friend (1:54:21 PM): yup
Me (1:54:32 PM): that would be the best class ever
Friend (1:54:37 PM): often i imagine myself raising my hand
Friend (1:54:41 PM): and just yelling out
Friend (1:54:44 PM): POOP
Friend (1:54:54 PM): and then running out
Me (1:54:56 PM): aaaaaaaaahahahahaha
Me (1:56:08 PM): i would pay good money to see somebody do that
Friend (1:56:25 PM): i know
Friend (1:56:48 PM): if we ever find out someone is planning on dropping out
Friend (1:56:48 PM): we know what to do

I Might Never Stop Laughing

I know this clip is so yesterday (yeah, you best believe that was an H Duff shoutout) but it might just be the funniest thing I've seem, um, EVER. Just wait till he yells "fire!" and then starts really rocking out. I honestly don't understand why there isn't a law against such flagrant displays of douchebaggery.

I Heart Michelle Collins

I totes love to make up slash use terrible slang and pretend it's normal and that everyone knows what I'm talking about (tntlic! sars! dunions!) even though they obviously don't and I'm not nearly as hilarious as I think I am.

But Michelle Collins and her slang both really are as hilarious as I think they are.

And Dakota Fanning, still terrifying.

But Why Wouldn't I Be Invited?

Actual moment from a conversation I had with Cait last night:

Cait: When I get my own apartment, you'll be on the list and you'll have a copy of my key, so you can just come over whenever you want.
Me: Like if I'm in the neighborhood and I have to pee, I can just come up and use your bathroom, and then eat your food and watch your TV, and you can't stop me, cause I'll be on the list.
Cait: Yeah, totally. Or if I have a party and you aren't invited, you can just show up anyway and let yourself in. And then you can be like, "why wasn't I invited to your party?? I MADE you, bitch!"

It's so true. She'd be no one without me.

A Drag Queen Stole My Seat

Yup, that's right.

I was at the ever sketchy Lucky Cheng's last night to celebrate a friend's birthday. We had procured a table near the bar so we could quickly enjoy a drink at a relatively safe distance away from karaoke-induced humiliation before moving on to the next location. While waiting for embarrassment-proof friends to get a chance to sing, I decided I should go to the bathroom before we left in case it took us a while to decide our next destination upon leaving.

At the exact moment that my ass leaves the bench, I hear someone yell "Oh, HELL yes!" and, the next thing I know, a six foot tall drag queen is shoving me out of the way. I inform her that I'm just going to the bathroom and will be returning shortly, to which she responds, "temporary seating assignment, bitch!" and sits down.

It was very hilarious.

Augh! Bleh! Ewww!! Grugh! No.

For the record, I am actually still alive. I'm just not going to make any real updates until I have something nice to say. About anything at all.

Also, I keep stubbing my toes on my coffee table. I think maybe it moved while I was away.