i heart complaining

I Might Drop Out of Law School & Take a Job Folding Shirts

2006-08-06T23:22:00.000-04:00

Seriously, I don't think it's too late.

Back Cause This is AWESOME

2006-08-06T23:21:00.000-04:00

Ok Go on TREADMILLS!

Suri Cruise?

2006-05-10T12:09:00.000-04:00

I know this picture was not at all the point of Michelle Collins' post, and that her point was actually that even though Tom Cruise is crazy like a straw (you know, crazy straws), M:i:III was really good or something. I don't care, I'm not seeing it.

But come on, above picture of future projection of Suri Cruise? hiLARs.

Yeah. I Don't Like Her Either.

2006-05-07T18:43:00.000-04:00

Nothing ruins a celebrity sighting quite like trying to gush to your mom about it, only to have her flatly respond, "Oh. I hate her."

Parting Words of Wisdom

2006-05-02T22:10:00.000-04:00

To close our last class of the semester, one of our professors left us with some words of wisdom. She spoke about how difficult it is to get into our law school these days, and how confident she is that we will all be excellent attorneys. With that in mind, she discussed final exams, and how they really only measure our abilities to analyze a specific type of issue and do not necessarily indicate how capable we will be as legal professionals. She told us that the grading process, especially the mandatory curve, is disheartening, if not somewhat arbitrary and that we should not put too much emphasis on our exam results.

Contrast this with all year on-going advice from another professor*:

If you don't get all A's, you'll never get a job. It's ok if you don't get all A's, you just won't get on Law Review. Also, then you won't ever get a job. You don't really need to do anything important this summer. Of course, then you'll never get a job. If you haven't been studying for finals for at least the past 12 years of your life, you can't possibly get A's. You know what that means? NO JOB FOR YOU. If you use commercial outlines, you're stupid. Stupid people can't get jobs. If you make so much as a single ink smudge on your exam, points will immediately be deducted from your grade, in which case fire-breathing monkeys will come to your home, singe off your eyelashes, make prank calls from your phone, eat that last piece of pizza you were saving for lunch tomorrow, punch you in the stomach and hook up with your sister. Which, as I'm sure you've guessed, will lead to...NO JOB. Good luck on exams, guys.

*forgive me if I've forgotten and therefore slightly altered the content of his motivational speech

Addendum

2006-04-27T22:24:00.000-04:00

Actually, it comes up 5th for "horribly funny."

It's 3rd for "horribly offensive."

You have no idea how proud my parents are.

How Flattering!

2006-04-27T07:35:00.000-04:00

Apparently, i heart complaining comes up 5th in a Google search for "horribly offensive."

FANTABULOUS!

Is the Blog Coming Out of the Coma?

2006-04-26T21:52:00.000-04:00

Probably not.

But anyway, I love Jack Black. Watch the bloopers after the speech.

Stolen Joke

2006-04-03T11:09:00.000-04:00

Sorry to start the morning off with Sad News

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully atthe age of 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Shut up. You know it's funny.

Anonymous Quotes of the Day

2006-03-28T19:57:00.000-05:00

"Today would be a really good day for me to participate, but I don't want to be the queer who only talks on gay day." -anonymous, on volunteering to discuss the cases pertaining to sexual orientation in constitutional law

"I hate everyone in here. If I never saw them again, it would be too soon." -anonymous, upon entering the law school cafeteria

Um, Give Me A Job Please?

2006-03-23T13:08:00.000-05:00

At least my job interview yesterday went better than Fresh Pepper's.

I mean, I knew enough not to say things like this:

Interviewer: So, do you have any kids?
Fresh: I don't really think you're supposed to ask that.
Interviewer: I don't really think you have this job yet.
Fresh: Well, no, I don't. Now do I have the job?
Interviewer: No, not yet.

* * *

Interviewer: Well, that's all I have. Do you have any questions for me?
Fresh: Do you think this tie is too shiny for a job interview?

Sarah Silverman Hosts the IS Awards

2006-03-22T21:57:00.000-05:00

I think she might be weirder than I am. But she's also funnier.

And We'll Only Be Making It Right

2006-03-21T22:09:00.000-05:00

I Got Nothing

2006-03-14T09:12:00.000-05:00

Now that I haven't written a post in about 200 years, it's especially hard to start again. Cause now there's all this pressure to write something good and funny. And that is just not going to happen, which is why I've been avoiding it for 200 years to begin with.

So here, watch this instead.

Yes, I Did Forget I Had a Blog

2006-02-23T20:02:00.000-05:00

I also forgot I had a brief for a little while there. Well, not so much forgot it as ignored it.

Apparently, the only law school related emotions that I'm capable of are complete and total panic and utter lack of motivation. There is no middle ground.

Anyway, I'm almost ready to be done neglecting the blog again. Almost.

Maybe They Should Call It ParticipatedInInNewYork

2006-02-11T09:50:00.000-05:00

A quote I submitted made it into Overheard this morning! Too bad I didn't so much "overhear" it as "I am Chick #2."

Horribly Offensive? Or Horribly Funny?

2006-02-09T10:09:00.000-05:00

I Wish I Knew How To Quit You

2006-02-03T12:51:00.000-05:00

God, that song makes me so emo. [tear].

Shoutout

2006-02-01T17:42:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in Con Law this morning, minding my own business slash paying attention, when all of the sudden, this happens:

Walking Tort (10:25:05 AM): fart
Walking Tort (10:25:29 AM): oh, thats right
heartcomplaining (10:25:31 AM): hahaha
Walking Tort (10:25:35 AM): i went there

Law Students or Fourth Graders?

2006-01-30T18:15:00.000-05:00

Excerpt from an AIM conversation with a law student friend:

Friend (1:51:51 PM): the word "boobs" is popular too
Me (1:52:21 PM): popular as an excuse as to why you didn't read?
Friend (1:53:07 PM): no, popular in movie titles
Friend (1:53:16 PM): on imdb
Friend (1:53:18 PM): i was looking up dirty words while i was bored
Me (1:53:29 PM): oh, i like it better as a reason to not do reading
Friend (1:53:43 PM): ha!
Friend (1:53:59 PM): "could you give us the facts of the case"
Me (1:54:11 PM): BOOBS!
Friend (1:54:21 PM): yup
Me (1:54:32 PM): that would be the best class ever
Friend (1:54:37 PM): often i imagine myself raising my hand
Friend (1:54:41 PM): and just yelling out
Friend (1:54:44 PM): POOP
Friend (1:54:54 PM): and then running out
Me (1:54:56 PM): aaaaaaaaahahahahaha
Me (1:56:08 PM): i would pay good money to see somebody do that
Friend (1:56:25 PM): i know
Friend (1:56:48 PM): if we ever find out someone is planning on dropping out
Friend (1:56:48 PM): we know what to do

I Might Never Stop Laughing

2006-01-25T19:34:00.000-05:00

I know this clip is so yesterday (yeah, you best believe that was an H Duff shoutout) but it might just be the funniest thing I've seem, um, EVER. Just wait till he yells "fire!" and then starts really rocking out. I honestly don't understand why there isn't a law against such flagrant displays of douchebaggery.

I Heart Michelle Collins

2006-01-25T17:15:00.000-05:00

I totes love to make up slash use terrible slang and pretend it's normal and that everyone knows what I'm talking about (tntlic! sars! dunions!) even though they obviously don't and I'm not nearly as hilarious as I think I am.

But Michelle Collins and her slang both really are as hilarious as I think they are.

And Dakota Fanning, still terrifying.

But Why Wouldn't I Be Invited?

2006-01-22T11:52:00.000-05:00

Actual moment from a conversation I had with Cait last night:

Cait: When I get my own apartment, you'll be on the list and you'll have a copy of my key, so you can just come over whenever you want.
Me: Like if I'm in the neighborhood and I have to pee, I can just come up and use your bathroom, and then eat your food and watch your TV, and you can't stop me, cause I'll be on the list.
Cait: Yeah, totally. Or if I have a party and you aren't invited, you can just show up anyway and let yourself in. And then you can be like, "why wasn't I invited to your party?? I MADE you, bitch!"

It's so true. She'd be no one without me.

A Drag Queen Stole My Seat

2006-01-21T15:28:00.000-05:00

Yup, that's right.

I was at the ever sketchy Lucky Cheng's last night to celebrate a friend's birthday. We had procured a table near the bar so we could quickly enjoy a drink at a relatively safe distance away from karaoke-induced humiliation before moving on to the next location. While waiting for embarrassment-proof friends to get a chance to sing, I decided I should go to the bathroom before we left in case it took us a while to decide our next destination upon leaving.

At the exact moment that my ass leaves the bench, I hear someone yell "Oh, HELL yes!" and, the next thing I know, a six foot tall drag queen is shoving me out of the way. I inform her that I'm just going to the bathroom and will be returning shortly, to which she responds, "temporary seating assignment, bitch!" and sits down.

It was very hilarious.

Augh! Bleh! Ewww!! Grugh! No.

2006-01-11T18:39:00.000-05:00

For the record, I am actually still alive. I'm just not going to make any real updates until I have something nice to say. About anything at all.

Also, I keep stubbing my toes on my coffee table. I think maybe it moved while I was away.

Just Another Reason I Heart SVU

2005-12-30T19:52:00.000-05:00

CNN is now tracking breaking news headlines that Law & Order: SVU addressed weeks ago.

Actual Overheard in New York

2005-12-29T16:43:00.000-05:00

Look, the quote I submitted made it onto Overheard.

Overheard in Mexico

2005-12-25T15:43:00.000-05:00

Tourist Man: So, what's the Mexican currency?
Tourist Woman: The peso.
Tourist Man: How much is it worth?
Tourist Woman: 10 is like 1 American dollar.
Tourist Man: Why don't they just use the Euro?

Current Events

2005-12-20T16:39:00.000-05:00

Don't you just miss this so much today?

Happy Holidays

2005-12-18T22:12:00.000-05:00

Love, Sarah Silverman.

Law Jokes Are For Losers

2005-12-16T22:14:00.000-05:00

I actually just used the sentence "I have the mens rea to be convicted of attempted studying."

I said that.

To another person.

Lack of normal social interaction is really taking its toll. It is most unfortunate.

Eugene Mirman is Funnier Than You

2005-12-12T23:29:00.000-05:00

I know that I have mentioned this, but it's funny enough to mention repeatedly. Particularly if you need a study break (or just a reason not to start studying). I want Eugene Mirman to be my new best friend.

Don't forget to watch the video.

And I Like Scary Movies

2005-12-11T15:14:00.000-05:00

Considering the fact that I am STILL having nightmares about the preview (PREVIEW!) of Hostel, finals are not seeming quite as scary these days.

I can't believe I just let myself think about it again. I think I need to go throw up.

Super-Productive Snow Day

2005-12-09T16:34:00.000-05:00

Due to approximately 3 inches of snow on the ground (or so I have heard, it's hard tell considering I have yet to leave my building or open my blinds today), school was graciously canceled this morning. As I had already woken up and gotten "dressed" (do sweatpants qualify as clothing if they are clean?), I prepared myself to have a super-productive Day O' Studying, free of such bothersome impediments to learning as "going to class" and "attending a review session."

Here instead, in no apparent order, is my list of Accomplishments thus far:

ate breakfast
watched last night's episode of The "It's the Third Season and Thus We Are Currently Devoid of Any Good Ideas so Summer is Now Smart but Every Character is Still Annoying and Yet We Know You'll Watch It Anyway" O.C.
sat down to get work done
added one sentence to torts outline
checked email 237 times
added another sentence to torts outline
went to the gym
did laundry
took a shower
added three sentences to torts outline
ate lunch
complained that I had done nothing all day
tried to make plans to see a movie later
looked over what I had added to my torts outline
contemplated putting laundry away
ordered groceries online
contemplated doing more work
wrote this instead

On the plus side, at least I still haven't gotten so stressed and panicky that I've cried about it.

Struggling for Sanity

2005-12-07T20:17:00.000-05:00

I know I have no right to complain because I am clearly guilty as well, but what's up with lack of updates of my favorite law student blogs as of late? What, are you guys studying for finals or something? Cause honestly, it's time to get over that whole thing and focus on what's really important: keeping the rest of us entertained. It's the only thing that keeps me from thinking about how stressed out I would be if I had half a brain (well, one of the only things, the other being IGNORING EVERY SINGLE OTHER LAW STUDENT THAT EXISTS).

I find it excessively difficult to get the most out of studying when I can't even procrastinate properly. Seriously. I can't possibly sit down and focus until I've read of the hilariously relatable misery of my peers. And as we rapidly approach the peak of the Season O' Anxiety, Fear and Despair, it would clearly behoove me to be getting the most out of my procrastinating. Uh, er, studying.

Good thing I always have thesuperficial and gofugyourself to keep me sane.

Lesson of the Day

2005-12-05T18:33:00.000-05:00

I think the best way to avoid stress, nervous breakdowns and/or the general desire to gouge my eyes out with my contracts book is to pretend that the Impending Doom (i.e. finals) is neither impending nor doom. My fool-proof study plan also helps.

I have a feeling this is TOTALLY going to help my GPA.

Fool-Proof Study Tactics

2005-12-02T19:36:00.000-05:00

As finals rapidly approach and the Ulcer you're developing becomes increasingly apparent and painful, it is important to use your study time as wisely as possible in order to maximize your chances of success. Fortunately, in law school, this does not entail interminable hours of making flash cards and memorizing class notes. Nope, in law school, success is relative.

Basically, regardless of how much we toil over outlines, obligatory Curve of Death requires that 80% of us will get B's, leaving room for only 10% with A's and sticking 10% with C's. Let's face it, no matter how meticulously you prepare, you pretty much have NO SHOT at getting an A. The best you can do is not get C's.

All efforts must be made to ensure that you are not among this unlucky 10%.
The most efficient way to do this is obvious: you must put all your energy into figuring out which 10 people in your section are probably dumber than you are.

This may or may not require elaborate color-coded spreadsheets, veiled interrogations and secret consultations with other people in your section.

Happy studying.

Best Law School TShirts, um, EVER

2005-12-01T18:51:00.000-05:00

you can buy me one here.

My Brain Hurts

2005-11-30T14:37:00.000-05:00

Impending doom leaves me with nothing entertaining to say. Moods that oscillate between panic and apathy do not amuse anyone, least of all me.

Though I am always glad to hear that someone enjoys checking back here just cause they like to know that at least one other person in the world (i.e. me) complains as much as they do.

In other news, for those of you who have never had the misfortune of watching VH1's "But Can They Sing?" allow me to save you some time. No.

I think I'd actually rather read torts than watch E-List Pseudolebrities sing karaoke.

Fun With Crazies

2005-11-26T23:32:00.000-05:00

Bec (7:56:24 PM): i sat next to a crazy person in the train station
Me (7:56:36 PM): a real crazy person?
Bec (7:56:50 PM): she was talking about how she hasn't had a bed for 14 months and that ny is filled with illegal immigrants
Bec (7:57:09 PM): and how she's living in her country, speaking her language, so they should too
Bec (7:57:16 PM): here's the best part...
Bec (7:57:47 PM): she was telling these people about some kids that she met that were hungry, so she gave them five dollars and a cheese sandwhich
Bec (7:57:54 PM): but they worshipped a cow!
Bec (7:58:06 PM): and they made fun of her, AND they made fun of christ!
Bec (7:58:22 PM): so, apparently, she really does think jesus is magic.
Me (7:58:30 PM): i can't believe they would make fun of her AND christ
Me (7:58:31 PM): hahaha
Bec (7:59:25 PM): oh yea and she mentioned something about being a former FBI agent and how the government is out to get derek jeter and a.rod sent to prison
Bec (7:59:37 PM): WAKE UP WASHINGTON
Bec (7:59:42 PM): thats a direct quote.
Me (7:59:46 PM): hahaha
Me (7:59:54 PM): that must have been a fun 40 min wait
Bec (8:00:29 PM): excellent/petrifying
Me (8:01:14 PM): hahaha
Me (8:01:21 PM): you could have moved though, no?
Bec (8:01:44 PM): yea, but i secretly wanted to hear what else she had to say

S-M-R-T

2005-11-18T19:57:00.000-05:00

Last night, after several hours of staring blankly at the mangled word carcass that I was hoping to transform into a presentable memo, I realized that playing 18 consecutive games of Bubblet while maintaining several simultaneous aim conversations does not actually qualify as a Real Accomplishment. I decided to quit for the night, get reacquainted with my beloved DVR and wake up especially early today to do some more butchering of sentences until they vaguely resembled something that could qualify as "Plain English for Lawyers" (which still manages to have no similitude whatsoever to Actual English That Makes Sense And People Can Understand).

It was clearly a flawless plan as my utter lack of any coherent ideas for my memo would obviously magically transform into 10 pages of ingeniously sound logic and all I had to do was watch the past two episodes of The Office and go to sleep. Brilliant.

Except that I set my alarm for 7:30 pm instead of 7:30 am and slept through torts this morning instead.

Nope, I'm Still Not Funny

2005-11-17T00:34:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am aware that I have had nothing even mildly amusing to say in a while. That is because there is something inherently unfunny about long memo writing, and the study of law in general. Well, the collective stress level of first years at this time of year is actually quite hilarious, unless you happen to be a first year, in which case you are likely too blinded by hysterical anxiety to take notice of the absurdity of it.

But seriously, think about it, it's really actually funny. Pretty much everyone I interact with on a daily basis, myself clearly included, has worked them into an utter frenzy over a stupid paper worth maybe 40% of a 2 credit class. And all anyone can do is bitch about how stressed they are, which obviously only makes it worse.

One thing I do appreciate though is the willingness of the 2 & 3Ls to point and laugh at us. Cause there really is no better feeling than being in the middle of discussing the exasperation of the long memo only to have a random 2L interrupt a conversation THAT IN NO WAY PERTAINS TO HIM to interject a snide "just wait until finals" comment. Thank you for your wisdom. I can't wait.

Until then, I'll be here, twitching in the corner and laughing maniacally about how funny law school is.

Bitch and Moan Fest 2005

2005-11-12T02:41:00.000-05:00

Alright kids, time to throw out your imaginary social calendar and start practicing your AngryBitterFace, cause Stressed Out Whiny Season is officially open for business. Or, if you aren't in law school and therefore do not fully comprehend the extent to which law students are capable of feeling sorry for themselves and loudly and obnoxiously articulating just how much more difficult their lives are than yours, run, run away while you still can.

The best part of being constantly surrounded other first years who understand exactly what I'm going through is surprisingly not just that it allows every day to turn into a grumpy pity party (though I clearly do enjoy that). Rather, it's their uncanny ability to bring to my attention every little thing that it had not yet occurred to me to be stressed about.

Whatever, I don't generally worry about all that school/learning/generally-being-prepared-for-life-or-at-least-just-finals stuff. The REAL reason I feel bad for myself right now is that I am currently THREE WEEKS behind on my People Magazines. And that is just no way to live.

It's Funny Cause It's True

2005-11-10T00:27:00.000-05:00

So today I sit down in the cafeteria to eat my delicious lunch from Whole Foods. My friend, who I sit next to in class, notices my plate of tofu, artichokes and brown rice and looks at me in UTTER ASTONISHMENT. It was as though I had pulled out a heaping bowl of staple sauce.

Me: What?
Her: [incredulously] Are you a vegetarian?
Me: No, I just don't eat a lot of meat, and I like vegetables and tofu. Why?
Her: [still baffled] It's just so healthy.
Me: [now confused] I guess. So?
Her: Well, it's just that you have NO DISCIPLINE.
Me: Thanks, I can't hear that enough.

Um, What?

2005-11-08T01:01:00.000-05:00

I just saw a guy wearing a suit peeing on the side of my building. WTF?

Whiny McComplainsALotSteinBerger

2005-11-07T13:29:00.000-05:00

K, people who watch the Food Network at the gym weird me out to begin with, but people who turn on the Food Network at the gym and then leave, taking with them the batteries to the remote just piss me off. I'll admit that I don't even mind watching stupid infomercials once in a while (it makes homemade salsa and chocolate mousse in under 8 seconds? And it can be used as a party mug for frozen margaritas?? Shut the fuck up, I need one!) But to be stuck watching a half hour program on a woman who started her own business selling glaze for ham, that is just uncalled for.

Also, I've been thinking about it really hard, and I've decided that I'm just not going to take any finals. It's a nice offer, really, but I just don't feel like it. Cause honestly, it's taken me until now just to figure out to get all my reading done for class (remember the first week of school when I thought that two cases a night was not the end of the world? How cute was that?), so to have to actually understand concepts and remember things beyond that is really not going to work for me. And long memo? No, thank you.

Oh well, at least random absurd and disturbing rock videos about schoolbuses make me laugh.

Library of Rage and Hysterics

2005-11-06T15:14:00.000-05:00

OK, here is how I know I was not meant to have a blog: the funniest thing in the history of the universe (or, just of the library) happened last night, and I do not feel at all compelled to write about it. Cause let's be honest, my words simply cannot do this Psychobitch justice. Obviously, I will make the attempt anyway, mostly because somebody yelled at me for not updating ever (whatever, sometimes I have more important things to be doing, like...Ok, no I don't).

So anyway, sometimes, despite having spent an entire Saturday afternoon in the library, it becomes necessary to stay for a vast majority of the night as well. This mostly happens when the entire afternoon was spent in the library on AIM, checking Facebook for updates and/or seeing if it's possible to reach the end of the internet.

After a delicious/nauseating/deliciously nauseating burrito dinner, Anna and I return to the library to continue business as usual (i.e. I sit at the table behind her and we IM each other saying funny and stupid things to make a Saturday spent in the library both more bearable and less productive). Upon our return, Psychobitch, a rando who is sitting at the other end of Anna's table, decides that all her angsty law school rage and venom was not being put to best use by remaining pent up inside her. Obviously, her hatred and rage is much better spent being spewed forth in our direction for NO APPARENT REASON other than that we were breathing too much of her library air and sitting in her general vicinity.

Anna gets up to show me several books that are kept in the library, including "The 107 Best Law Schools" (because ironically, it makes no mention of our school) and "Time Management for Law Students" (which we obviously do not need cause we are professional time managers). When Anna returns to her table, Psychobitch gives her the UglyFaceDirtyLook, which Anna, who is clearly far more mature than I am, appropriately scoffs at and then moves on.

At this point, Cait returns from dinner and sits down next to me. Anna and I continue send each other hysterical IMs regarding the random awkwardness that is Psychobitch, which Cait is reading over my shoulder. Cait can no longer (or ever, for that matter) contain herself, and she starts cracking up, which sets me off giggling, but we're both laughing in our "library voices," so the sounds resemble asthmatic chipmunks. Nobody else seems to be all that bothered, but Psychobitch jumps us, slams closed her Imporatant Law School Book and shoots Anna UglyFaceDirtyLook Part II.

She snatches up her stuff and turns around to give us UglyFaceLookofDEATH, which obviously worsens the laughter. She huffs off, walking directly in front of me and Cait, pausing just long enough to clearly and distinctly mouth "BITCH!" I missed this because I am looking down in an attempt to contain my laughter, but Cait looks her straight in the eye and laughs harder. Psychobitch responds by imitating the wheezing chipmunk laughter with utter disdain and storms off.

Psychobitch sits down at the other end of the room and plugs her fingers in her ears (seriously). We manage to calm down for approximately 12 seconds, until Anna points out that while reading her book, Psychobitch has to repeatedly remove her firmly-placed, soundproof thumbs from her ears in order to angrily turn the page before shoving her thumbs back in her ears.

Cait fully loses it. She starts laughing so hard that she LITERALLY falls out of her chair. Her ass smacks to the ground, and Emilio starts clapping. I am trying so hard to hold in my laughter that I can't breathe and I actually think the veins in my neck might explode. I run out of the library covering my mouth and break into hysterics as soon as I get outside. Cait busts into the hall, laughing so hard she throws up a little. Cute.

Marco and Anna join us in the hall to explain what Psychobitch did upon our departure. I will leave the actual description to Anna:
"As they walk out...Stanky Girl lifts her entire arm. Middle finger exposed. And, in a sweep around her head like cowboy swinging his lasso of HATE AND BITTERNESS, flicks off Cait & Emily as they walk out."

The whole situation left us with no choice but to go out and get drinks. Clearly, a Saturday night well-spent in the library.

Public Service Announcement

2005-11-03T02:28:00.000-05:00

A note to the waiter from the restaurant where I had dinner tonight:
If you are going to hit on me, you should not use the same exact line you used on me last time, when I ate there with my mother.
Also, you should be a woman.

Sometimes I Amaze Even Myself

2005-09-25T15:07:00.000-04:00

My ability to concentrate on school took a nosedive around Wednesday. I spent the next two days pretending that wasn't true and trying to make myself do work anyway. This led to one of those productive reading sessions were I'd read the same line over and over again for half an hour and still have no idea what it said.

By Friday, I decided I needed to take a brief mental vacation in hopes that my ability to concentrate would magically resurface. After class, my friend came over for delicious lunch and a viewing of Thursday night's Apprentice (if you missed it, check out Whitney's recap--it always rocks). He left to go to class and I decided to do homework. I proceeded to catch up on the SIX AND A HALF HOURS of tv I had DVRed this week. I am a champion! A pathetic champion, but a champion nonetheless. This weekend, not only did I catch up on all the important television I didn't get to watch during the week, but managed to see two movies, hit four bars, buy about twenty-five dollars worth of music on itunes and have one drunken dinner. I did no work at all. In fact, when I sat down to get some work done, I ended up writing this instead. Something is definitely wrong with me.

New Realization

2005-09-21T22:46:00.000-04:00

I am finally starting to understand why people bitch about the first year of law school.
Having all this work sucks.
Can I watch TV yet?

Things I Heart Complaining About

2005-09-18T14:56:00.000-04:00

Ok, I know I fell off the face of the earth for a little while. I was very busy doing important things, like feeling guilty about how little work I was doing in comparison to how much work other people made it sound like they were doing. And then going out for drinks instead of doing work (you know, to alleviate the guilt). Wow, I'm probably going to fail out of law school.

Anyway, last night, while I was sitting in exorbitant traffic in a cab on the way to meet my friends at a bar (why they all have to in the same neighborhood and always go out in that neighborhood is beyond me, especially, and probably only, because it is not my neighborhood), I started thinking about all those little annoying things often observed in New York. Some of them include:

watching the cab meter add up while sitting at a stand-still in midtown traffic
people who try to hail cabs that don't have their lights on
people who try to hail the cab that I am clearly already sitting in
when people stop short for no reason while walking in the middle of the sidewalk
when people stop short in the middle of the sidewalk to take a picture
tourists who take pictures of stupid things (oooh, a garbage can!)
cab drivers who jerk forward and/or slam on their brakes
car sickness
throwing up in cabs
bike riders who get mad when they ride right into an opening cab door (sorry!)
lists that make me sound bitter

Is It Just Me, Or Is Everyone Crazy?

2005-09-02T17:18:00.000-04:00

It can't just be me. My fellow 1Ls are totally actually crazy. At least a majority of them, anyway. We have had exactly five days of class, and I am already overhearing people in my section saying things like "I spent four hours writing briefs yesterday!" and "I couldn't go out last night, I had so much work to do." Um, guys, we had three cases to read for today. It might have totaled 12 pages, maximum. I'm not saying it's easy or that it won't take a while to get the hang of it, but we got out of class at 3:30. What could have possibly been so time consuming that you wouldn't have been done in time for dinner?

Also, don't tell anyone, because I know it's my obligation as a stressed-out 1L to complain about how much I loathe law school and how difficult it is, but so far, I really like it. This is probably an obvious indication that it was only the first week of class, that the work has not begun piling up yet, and that I have not been humiliated in class so far. I'll let you know when I'm kicking myself for speaking too soon.

There is, of course, another possibility. That is that I'm not smart enough to have realized already how hard it is. I would definitely not rule that one out just yet.

This Is the Kind of Thing I Do Instead of Work

2005-08-31T23:34:00.000-04:00

Jeremy Blachman's Law School Purity Test

So according to Jeremy, I can't officially be considered a law student yet. Mostly because I have yet to make out with a professor in a dorm room the week before the exam to find out what the questions are. At least I have a goal now though (to rack up enough points to be considered a law student, not to make out with a professor. ew.)

Day One Down, Three Years (minus one day) To Go

2005-08-30T01:06:00.000-04:00

I know that everyone who is in a position to be able to dispense advice about law school has said to pay no attention to what other people say in class because they have NO IDEA what they're talking about. But why is that they sound exactly like they do?

Also, I do not think it's nice of professors to say things on the first day of class such as, "I would love to tell you that your grades don't matter, but that would be dishonest." He went on to explain that one day, we will look back on it and our grades will seem utterly trivial. Except that nobody will ever hire us if we don't have good grades. In fact, that's pretty much all they look at. I guess it's easy to see how grades will seem trivial when you're standing on a street corner begging for change, degree rendered useless, three years of your life wasted. Thanks for the motivation.

A Lack of Motivation

2005-08-29T15:36:00.000-04:00

Getting out of class Friday, and an hour early at that, was awesome. Until I realized that despite the large amount of reading, long and tiring days of class and surprisingly difficult exam (well, it would have been difficult if there was any reason to believe that they were even going to be read, let alone graded), it was only the end of Orientation. Actual classes haven't even started yet!

I love how I told myself at the end of the summer that, now that I'm in law school, I'm going to buckle down and be a stellar student. I'm going to stay on top of my assignments, pay attention in class, get work done well ahead of time and generally stop attempting to survive on my ability to bullshit. And yet, I am fully aware that this is the same exact thing that I tell myself at the beginning of every academic year. But then I inevitably realize one undeniable, unavoidable fact: I'm lazy. And I love to procrastinate.

This year will totally be different though. I'm going to get all my reading done, and I'm going to do it ahead of time. Starting...well, not right now. Maybe later.

Disorientation

2005-08-26T02:14:00.000-04:00

Whew, orientation week is almost over and thus far, I've survived. Of course, I still have an "exam" to take tomorrow, but I've been assured that so long as I spell my name correctly and write words on a piece of paper, I am guaranteed to pass. If only it were an accurate preview of the year to come...

Orientation at Law School, to my great dismay, is completely unlike orientation at college. College orientation is like summer camp, only drunker. Most people are out of their parents' supervision for the first time, eager to have new experiences, make new friends and then proceed to get drunk with said friends. Colleges (well, at least mine) provide vaguely fun, or at least fairly mindless, activities complete with standard ice breakers and free food to facilitate this (ok, maybe the administration doesn't actively facilitate the drunken part, but it occurs regardless--and free ice cream, yay!). Apparently, it's all downhill from there.

The main event of Law School orientation, on the other hand, has been a daily three hour, one credit, introductory class. Though opportunities to attend open bar parties with your classmates have been provided, so have 60 page nightly readings. This is not to say that the readings and the class must be taken seriously (or get done, for that matter), but isn't the fact that they exist enough to make it suck just a little?

The professor teaching my section for this course seems brilliant. Not only that, but he can actually decipher even the most moronic, off-topic comments from the class and make them some both intelligent and relevant (perhaps the fact that I thought they were stupid in the first place says something about my intelligence, but hey, shut up). In fact, the faculty at Law School appears to be incredibly intelligent and accomplished. But despite the caliber of the faculty and the school itself, and the fact that they are running an ORIENTATION program, Law School is completely inept at making sure incoming students are ACTUALLY ORIENTED. It took almost a week of orientation just for them to tell us what our email addresses are, they haven't finished putting all the names in the system for people to access wireless internet, we just got our tuition bills a week ago, and they still haven't told us what subsection we're in for legal writing. Hi, it's Thursday. Classes start Monday. Some of us would like to know if we'll be required to attend legal writing at that time. Thanks.

In all honesty, I've been pretty impressed with Law School so far. The people in my section are pretty smart overall (and even the idiots use big words to express concepts that they have questionable understanding of), and they're friendly too. That may be subject to change as classes start and the reality of the curve kicks in. But, at least for now, it seems as though there may only be one or two pompous douchebags, which is always a good thing.